Jennifer Blake: A&J: Relationship thoughts from FRIENDS

A&J: Relationship thoughts from FRIENDS

July 30, 2012

We are back with another "What we learned after watching all 10 seasons of FRIENDS post!". 

So we all know how awesome this show is. Jenn and I shared some of our favorite moments that had to do with friendship. Now we want to talk about the good stuff. Love and relationships, you will get to hear Jenn’s thoughts later in the week! So read on to find out what Ross, Rachel, Chandler, Monica, Phoebe and Joey (and hey even Gunther) have taught us about Love and how our relationship changed because of it…

1) Always go the extra mile, or 1,350 (I Googled it). That’s the approximate driving distance from The Big Apple to the booming city of Tulsa Oklahoma, home of the well-known eateries Slim Pickins and So Cheesy.
After Chandler unwittingly agrees to head the Tusla branch for his company a lot of extra pressure is put on his relationship with Monica, as is to be expected. He tries to get out of it but is unable to do so. Him and Monica are left with no options but to just make it work. Monica makes an extremely selfless decision to give up her restaurant and find work in Tulsa, but ultimately a new offer for her dream job is too good to pass up, and Chandler wouldn’t let her. He knows how important the opportunity is for Monica. Living apart is obviously out of the option, so Chandler finds a way to work out his schedule so that he only has to be in Tulsa about half of the week, and decides to fly back and forth so they can still be together as much as possible.  Time goes by, and everything is ok, but it is still difficult. Monica then decides she will make a trip to Tulsa and surprise Chandler, in an attempt to add some spice to their tough arrangement, but what ensues is a whole other can-o-worms. What really matters is that she made the effort and he was willing to make the long commute and put in the long hours to see her more often.
This type of self-sacrifice and extra effort is so so so important to any relationship, new and old. It can be just as important to a stale relationship, a thriving relationship, or one that is in desparate need of a last ditch effort to save the relationship. It is fundamental. Everyone wants to know they are cared for and that nothing will get in the way of showing (not just saying) I love you and you are my world. I must admit, Jenn is much better at this than I am, she is so selfless and so giving, and sets a great example for me to live up to.

2) So, I don’t believe in “soul mates” in that there every individual has 1 person whom they are destined to be with. But I do believe that people can be just about perfect for each other, and some people are more just about perfect for us than others (Kinda like those pesky pieces in large puzzles that seem to fit somewhere, only to discover days and days later that they fit better somewhere else!). That being said, Jenn and I are soul mates. ‘You’re a hypocrite, blah blah blah’. I know, I don’t care, so what, lets move on!

Now where was I? Oh right, puzzle pieces perfect fit. The best example of this that I have ever been able to think of, Friends or no Friends, is Pheobe and David then forget about David, Mike is way better. If you are not sure what I am talking about, you can start by looking back on the last friends post (I may have thrown around the soul mate thing there too, just ignore that I didn’t mean it literally and as we have established, card carrying member of the hypocrite club right here). In that post I talked about how Phoebe meets mike and how great they end up being for one another, but there is more to the story than that. Before there was mike there was David. David was the Edward Cullen to Phoebe’s Bella Swan, but without the stone hard and stone cold abs that Mrs. Meyer can’t stop writing about. Phoebe and David was the couple that was supposed to be together but David’s career took him to Minsk, Belarus. He makes a few more appearances, each time Phoebe realizes how much she loves David and that all she wants is for David to stay and for them to get married, but that is not to be. Then, Mike happens. Now she realizes, here is this guy, this other guy, who is so amazing maybe it isn’t as clear cut as I thought things were. Ultimately, after battling with herself, and a couple “maybe it is still David” moments, Mike wins for good, and Phoebe Buffay becomes Phoebe Buffay-Hannigan. Well, first it becomes Princess Consuela Bananahammock, but then Phoebe Buffay-Hannigan.

I was supposed to do three, but these are long and I don’t want to bore anybody, after all you are here to read what Jenn has to say, not me. 

Good to see ya again!

There is so much I could tell you about relationships, FRIENDS has little hidden messages in their shows and besides laughing hysterically for ten strait seasons, I also learned a lot! There were so many different relationships, there was the never ending cycle of Rachel and Ross, there was Monica and Chandler, Phoebe and Mike, Ross and his student, Ross and a lesbian, Ross and Emily, Ross and.... you get the point there were MANY relationships throughout the show (especially when it comes to Ross). Lots of relationships meant lots of observing how each worked or didn't work. 

1) Patience...patience...and more patience. 
Ever notice how crazy Monica is? She has things that have to be a particular way, the apartment has to be cleaned spotless and organized a certain way, and she doesn't really do well with any amount of change. Chandler does great with dealing with Monica, he doesn't get mad when she has to do certain things her way, he realizes that her crazy need to clean and organize is part of her, and he doesn't force her to change. Remember the episode where Chandler moves in and decides he is going to surprise Monica and clean the entire apartment, but then he moves all the furniture and decor...well he forgets where it all goes, but he does everything he can to get it back to perfect for her. He doesn't complain. He doesn't get mad when she gets home and moves things back, he just lets her be her

2) It's about the two of you. About what you want out of the relationship. About what is doing the best for the two of you. 
Monica and Chandler bought a house in secret. They were afraid of telling everyone that they planed on moving outside of the city. Well they had good reason for keeping it a secret, because once Rachel, Ross, Phoebe, and Joey found out, well they were angry! They did everything they could to change their minds. However Chandler and Monica knew what would be best for them and their future family, it didn't matter how much the others tried to change their mind, they decided to do what was best for them. 
If you want your relationship to grow and be strong, you need to focus on what is the best for the two of you. Of course your family and friends are going to want to give you their advice but at the end of the day it is the two of you going home together and starting a life together, it has to be what is best for you two. 

3) Be careful when you take food off of the others plate. 
Aaron and I share a lot of things, but there are definitely certain things I keep to myself, like the litte Dove chocolates I hide in the house! I am really good at sharing, but sometimes I want a little something to myself. Now sharing is important in a relationship, but in my mind it's certainly okay not to share every little thing. Joey shows us what happens when you try and take food from him, "Joey doesn't share food!" He goes on a date and his date takes food from his plate, well he gets really angry and decides it wont work out. So the next time he goes on a date he orders extra food for them to share and then his own meal, well this also backfires in his face because she still wants some of the food he ordered from himself. Now Joey shows us that not sharing can hurt the relationship, and I agree, you should want to share with the other, but also indulge yourself with little things just for you!

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